I've always started my writings by negative form, cus I was never sure about what I had in my mind, what I was thinkng and what a should write about.
I felt happy, even if it was for few hours, I liked it, I like em,I wans't expecting him to be reckless like me, to like someone from the frist sight,to fall for him, to not stop thinking about em,
" sigh " , he makes me back to write again, cus I don't wanna miss this feelings, I don't wanna forget those countless moments, I wanted myself to remember this date, the day I felt the heart beating of someone who likes me.
(...) Stepping aside , wondering , asking myself the reason why I choose and favor someone above another , looking around me and what I see is what my society has become .
Do I have to deal with my mistakes over and over or do I have to let them create this sort of illusion and paradox in my life again and again...
Do I ever felt the need of the other side that I will “never” have , or it's just an illusion.. dreaming of something that could happened in real life and waiting so patiently , crossing fingers , hoping that one and only act of kindness could take me from my misery (...)
Do I have to share my thoughts, my ideas ,” my belongings” with the person I may fall for , or do I have to keep them for my egoistic and selfish “ me” .. and if I did share them , what could happened is nearly devastating , the damage that could bring is immense , and I can't keep up with all these moral and immoral reaction that could create.
Between what is real , and fiction .. I feel lost , I have no regret of doing what I'm doing . the path I'm chosen is the safest road I could take .
Do I feel happy , satisfied , contented , delighted , joyful ? no, I'm not .. in this way I feel safe , cus what I'm showing to the others it what these sorrows wanted to see , they are too , hidden these dreadful feelings in them .
From my point of view , I see hurt, torn, damage, injure,hatred , and harm.. nothing but pain coming from the other side covered by plastic emotions ..
"Maybe you are the one I am supposed to fall in love with. Maybe you are the one that is supposed to come along and reassure me of how much I deserve and how much I am worth. Maybe you are the one that is supposed to remind me that love does exist and can heal. Maybe you are the one that is meant to hold my hands when I am pulling it away. And maybe through all the bad, you are the one good thing that was meant to come out of it "